Fear of Abandonment and Connection to the Land

Highlights

I'm having a fear come up in my relationship. I'm noticing that Lauren's feeling very connected to the land that she's on. And I can totally see how she would feel so connected. Because it's a beautiful, beautiful land. And I'm noticing my own fear about being abandoned coming up or not feeling worthy, not feeling wild, not feeling primal or primitive enough to be with her. A part of me feels so drawn to Peru, and I have a story that she's gonna connect with it as much as she connects to Anderson Lake. That makes me feel like… that makes me feel afraid that… I'm gonna have very different desires, yearnings out of life.

If I really tap into it, I could also see myself being on an anisoleak. And then all the stuff I've done in this country, in this land, feels like they'll come back to haunt me. I'm the first thing, a part of me that just wants to tell her, you stay up there for as long as you want. You know, don't do my thing. And slowly we'll just go apart, go our own ways. And I feel like the work I've done so far is not to do that, but to actually be honest with myself.

I'm here without needing to do anything about it. I'm going to sleep now. So staying with that discomfort and that feeling of my young boy that is feeling avoidant, I guess. And just staying with that for now. ^rwhi913218052