Philosopher's Notes The Next Conversation
The Next Conversation
Argue Less, Talk More
About the Book
Brian's take
Jefferson Fisher is a trial lawyer, writer, and speaker who’s helped millions of people get better at communicating in everyday arguments and difficult conversations. This is one of the most practical, immediately useful communication books I’ve ever read. Fisher boils it down to a simple operating system you can run in real time: align with your values, regulate your nervous system before you respond, speak with assertive confidence, and aim for connection, not victory. Big Ideas we explore include Your Values (who are you at your best?), Rule (say it with control), Rule (say it with confidence), Rule (say it to connect), and the 47-Seconds (the essence distilled).
“The fastest way to lose your peace of mind is to give someone a piece of yours.”
Jefferson Fisher
“Entering a difficult conversation without a plan and simply hoping for a perfect outcome solely in your favor is a sure way to end up disappointed.”
Intentionally approaching a difficult conversation with clear, realistic goals is how to create real change. Emphasis on realistic.
Jefferson Fisher
“Honest communication has nothing to do with what’s happy or comfortable.”
Connection sometimes means having conversations that are going to be uncomfortable. What you need is the control and the confidence to have them anyway.
Jefferson Fisher
“Friction offers room for improvement.”
Because what triggers you teaches you.
Jefferson Fisher
“Silence may be the absence of sound, but it’s not the absence of communication.”
I mean it when I say this: silence is the most effective tool at your disposal to fix communication problems.
Jefferson Fisher
“There’s a sense that silence conveys incompetence, when in reality, silence is wisdom in waiting.”
It’s rushing your words that shows weakness. Slowing your words shows strength.
Jefferson Fisher
“No is a complete sentence.”
Jefferson Fisher
“The concept of confidence you’re likely more familiar with from your past prioritizes perfection.”
The version of confidence I’m asking you to adopt moving forward prioritizes grace. Confidence doesn’t mean you’re not afraid. It means you do it scared. Confidence doesn’t mean you’re always right. It means you tell them when you’re wrong. Confidence doesn’t mean you avoid mistakes. It means you embrace them.
Jefferson Fisher
“Stop attending every argument you’re invited to.”
Jefferson Fisher
“Difficult conversations, despite the label, are your greatest opportunity to connect to another person.”
Encountering struggle, overcoming that struggle, brings you closer together, which deepens and strengthens connection.
Jefferson Fisher
Align with Your Values
23:57
Introduction
From the book
“To get you there, I’ve broken it down into two parts.
Part one tells you how to first connect with yourself. That sounds woo-woo, I know. But it’s not. It’s about where to go in your mind when conflict appears, and most important, how to leverage the mindset for better outcomes. Part two teaches you how to use that leverage to connect with other people. How you connect looks different based on context, whether it’s working through a difficult conversation or needing to stand up for yourself. Whatever context you find yourself in, I’ve created three rules that will build the connection for you: 1. Say it with control. 2. Say it with confidence. 3. Say it to connect. Behind each rule are proven tactics you can use immediately. Throughout this book, I’ll show you what confident communication looks, sounds, and feels like. You’ll learn from real-life stories from my personal and professional experiences. You’ll also see yourself in hypothetical conversations that hit close to home. You’ll learn what to say and what not to say, and of course, how to say it. After reading the pages ahead, you’re going to be able to remove the difficult from difficult conversations, making space for more real in your life. Real friendships, real connection, and real growth. And I don’t just mean at home or in relationships. You’ll find the real you starting to show up at work and in meetings. You’ll respond to texts and emails differently. People will know where you stand. You’ll watch your confidence turn into credibility—and that, I can’t wait to see.”
Brian's Notes
Jefferson Fisher is, as per the back flap of the book: “a trial lawyer, writer, and speaker whose work to help people communicate during life’s everyday arguments and conversations, with his practical videos and authentic presence, has gained millions of followers around the world, including celebrities and global leaders.”
In addition to that… You can tell he’s just a REALLY good human being.
Now… I’ve read a lot of books over the last few decades (if my math is right, this is PN) and this book is at the VERY top of my list of best books ever. It’s ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT.
If you’ve ever had a difficult conversation (wink;), I think you’ll find it as helpful as I did. I HIGHLY recommend it. (Get a copy.)
As you’d expect, it’s PACKED (!) with practical, life-changing Big Ideas. As always, I’m excited to share some of my favorites so let’s get to work!
