Practical Shadow Work

Shadow work may be said to proceed along a few basic lines. These can be described in point form as follows:

1. Disappointments in life accumulate, mainly resulting from expectations not being met. This accrued disappointment leads to the willingness to understand that one is indeed part of the problem. One is not just an innocent bystander to life.

2. Willingness to understand the concept of ‘blind-spots’; that is, that we have parts of our personality that others see, but that we ourselves do not see very well, or at all.

3. Willingness to be guided, to receive feedback. This is a vitally important step.

4. Confession. This is the beginning of the work-proper—everything before this is preparation. In the confession stage, we directly see and communicate the ways in which we have contributed to problems by shortcomings of our personality. ‘I was/am impatient, intolerant, unkind, vengeful, weak and compliant, overly-negative, complaining to excess, more interested in myself than my partner, I saw them mainly a body, or a source of security, or as a surrogate mother or father’, etc.

5. Radical Acceptance. Confession is the ignition to get the engine up and running, but the car is not going anywhere without a full acceptance of the very traits we are identifying in confession. This step is often confusing to people. They may think that by confessing their negative tendencies these same tendencies will now magically transform. They rarely do by the power of confession alone. They require, initially, a full acceptance. This full acceptance is generally known as ownership. To ‘own’ impatience, for example, is not just to tell the truth about one’s impatient tendencies, but also to step into them fully and inhabit them from within without any recoil or self-condemnation. That allows us to mindfully and directly experience impatience, while it is manifesting in the moment. And then, to act differently—to demonstrate patience.

To ‘inhabit’ a shadow tendency from within has nothing to do with indulging it, or allowing it to direct one’s life. Shadow traits only direct our lives when they are not seen and identified, and not properly owned.

The end result of this journey is self-acceptance, and a reduction in hostility—whether that hostility be directed toward others (grudges) or, more commonly, toward oneself (self esteem issues, self-doubt, depression). Shadow qualities, when integrated (made okay) become the fuel and fire that warms and drives our life. A person who is in ownership of their shadow qualities is not just trustworthy, they are also capable of a warmth and creative power that can truly contribute to the growth of the human race. They are not just living for themselves. They are living for the greater context and vast universe in which they are immersed.