The Gold in the Cracks
| I spent the last week at an off grid primitive skills gathering. It was quite a profound time learning new skills that my ancestors knew but I don't at the base of epic mountains on one of the most gorgeous, clearest lakes in BC. I spent most of time with elders, supporting my lover who was running a pop-up cafe, and solo. In my time with the elders, I shared quite a bit about my life, my past. And that's what inspired this post. --- There's an ancient Japanese art called kintsugi - the practice of repairing broken pottery with gold. When a cherished bowl shatters, they don't throw it away. They don't try to make it look new again. They fill the cracks with gold. The breaks become the most beautiful part. I'm writing this because this truth is burning through me: We've got it backwards. Everything we've been taught about healing, about becoming "better men," about fixing ourselves - it's all backwards. We keep trying to hide our cracks when we should be filling them with gold. Last week, I sat with a man who couldn't cry. Successful entrepreneur. Beautiful family. And dying inside because he'd spent 20 years perfecting the art of being unbreakable. His father taught him tears were weakness. His culture taught him vulnerability was death. So he built armor so thick that even love couldn't penetrate it. Sound familiar? I see myself in him. In you. In every man who's been taught that our wounds make us less worthy of love, respect, belonging. My own cracks? They run deep. The father wound that convinced me I'd never belong anywhere. The fear of my stutter popping up at the worst times that made me small, that kept me from speaking truth, from taking up space. The addiction that brought me to my knees and nearly took me out. For years, I tried to hide these cracks.Performed confidence. Pretended I had my shit together. Built an impressive exterior while dying inside. But what I've learned is this: Your wounds aren't obstacles to your purpose - they ARE your purpose. Every crack in your armor is where your medicine lives. Every place you've been broken is where you can serve others who are breaking. Every shadow you've integrated becomes a torch for someone still in darkness. The men I work with come seeking success strategies. What they find is permission to be human. To stop the exhausting performance of having it all together. To let their wounds breathe and transform into wisdom. Because the truth is that the world doesn't need more perfect men. It needs more real ones. Men who've walked through hell and can guide others through it. Men who've faced their demons and made them allies. Men who've stopped apologizing for their humanity and started honoring it. When you show your gold-filled cracks, you give other men permission to stop hiding theirs. When you speak about your fear, another man finds courage. When you own your father wound, someone else begins to heal theirs. This isn't about wallowing in our wounds or making victimhood an identity. It's about the alchemy. It's about taking what tried to destroy us and letting it forge us into something more beautiful than we could have been without it. The Japanese understand this. That's why kintsugi pottery is more valuable than the original. The breaks tell a story. The gold says: "I survived. I transformed. I became more beautiful because of what I endured." Your breaks tell a story too. What if you stopped trying to hide them? What if you filled them with gold instead? What if your wounds became your wisdom? What if your scars became your scripture? On the other side of this choice is a freedom so profound it'll bring you to your knees. The freedom of never having to remember which mask you're wearing. The freedom of being loved for who you actually are, not who you pretend to be. The freedom of living from your depths instead of your defense mechanisms. The work isn't fixing ourselves, but revealing ourselves. Not becoming perfect, but becoming whole. Not hiding our humanity, but making it sacred. Your cracks are calling for gold. It's time to answer. Ish P.S. If you're ready to stop hiding and start alchemizing, I have space for two men in my long term 1:1 practice_. Reply to this email if your bones are telling you it's time._ |
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