Noia
Everyone has heard of “paranoia” — the irrational belief that the world is out to get you.
It’s fear of the future.
But have you heard of its much cooler (and way sexier) cousin, pronoia?
Pronoia is the opposite. It's the belief that the world is conspiring in your favor, paving your path with blessings.
It’s irrational faith in the future.
Fun fact: The prefix “para-” means “abnormal” and the prefix “pro-” means “in favor of”.
The suffix “-noia” means “thought” or “mind”.
Another fun fact:
Both paranoia and pronoia are delusional.
Both of them are about you, a finite & heavily-biased simpleton, trying to make assumptions about the complex and unknowable future.
You don’t know the future, but having pronoia or paranoia is you pretending like you do.
These are not just words, they are choices. They are ways of living.
If you treat the world like danger is around every corner, you will find it. If you treat the world like an adventure waiting to reveal itself, such the path will be laid.
And keep in mind, this isn’t new age spell casting. This is cause and effect. We’ve all met the person who leans into life with faith and we’ve all met the person who leans away in fear.
You can feel the difference.
They have different friends, different jobs, they have different levels of life satisfaction. How they show up to life determines how life shows up to them. That’s not surprising. What is surprising is remembering that it’s a choice.
So what does this have to do with my daughter and her name?
When I have a child, I can safely say that I have no idea how the world will be when they are born. I have no idea how the world will treat them. I can guess, I can speculate, I can choose faith or fear, but at the end of the day, I do not know.
When she’s born, I could teach my daughter that the world is full of bad people and to always watch her back.
But that would be a lie.
I could go full Pollyanna and tell her that she’s the greatest gift the world has ever seen, and all of mankind has been just waiting to bestow her with unfathomable gifts and blessings.
But that would also be a lie.
If these were the only two options, common sense would suggest I teach her faith. (I could even name her “Faith”. People do that, right?) When it comes to the mantra she chooses to live her life by, I could make the choice for her before she even steps into the unknown. I could put her on the path to pronoia.
But that takes away her power to to choose for herself.
I think the best thing I can do for her, isn’t to teach her faith over fear, it is to remind her that she gets to choose.
Is the argument with her husband an opportunity to get closer with him or signs of an impending divorce? She decides. Is her failed chemistry test a sign that she should give up on her dreams of med school, or the story she will tell when she’s giving the commencement speech at her alma mater? She has to choose. The power to help her or harm her is not in the world, it is in her mind, in her “Noia”.
Her name, Noia, will serve as a gentle nudge. When life throws challenges her way, she’ll see it written on her license, birthday invitations, or even her coffee cup. Each time, it will remind her: the situation itself doesn’t define her — the way she chooses to think about it does.
My daughter will be born into a world I can’t predict — of dangers I can’t foresee and blessings I can’t imagine. She might turn to me for advice, seeking clarity and certainty and there will be times I will not know the answer. The only thing I will know is that there is an unknown and what she chooses to think about it will be the future she chooses to create.
So welcome to the unknown, baby Noia. I can’t wait to see what you decide to choose.
We're in the last weeks of another year. I'm sure you've started to think about how this year has unfolded. Maybe the ways it's worked in your favor, and the ways it hasn't. What you would've done differently, if you had a do-over, and what you would've leaned into even more.
Time isn't going to stop for either one of us. So, I encourage to lean into playing full out next year, however way that looks for you. Maybe it's more excavating of your shadows. Maybe it's connecting with your folks who you haven't talked to in a few years. Maybe it's finally taking the leap and pursuing what feels like your actual calling than cash that safe paycheck. Or, maybe it's committing deeper to your romantic partner.
And regardless of what it is you do, I implore you to give a fuck and actually commit. It's only when we're unsure of life that life becomes unsteady for us. Like a ship sailing her course knowing that storms will inevitably come, you'll only get to your destination, or know when and how to tack, if you're fully committed to the thing you actually want to do.
Earlier this year, I led a big men's work intensive, which culminated in an epic expedition to Peru. It's probably one of the highlights of my entire life, and from what the participants shared, it was one of the biggest highlights of some of their lives as well.
I'm going back again next year, and if you're a man who is interested in breaking out of the shackles of his mind and who is devoted to stepping into a wilder, more embodied version of his power beginning in 2025, I want you to come with me on this Rite of Passage journey. It's a part relational cleanse, part deep detox, part vision quest, part medicine journey. If you're curious to learn more and hear from past participants, go and take a look! There's a substantial discount for anyone who signs up in the next two weeks, so now would be one of those times to commit, if this calls to you.
🍵 x 🐉