Free Your Parents
| Reader, This past Saturday, I had my first peyote ceremony. It was deep, exhausting, and opening in multiple ways. I'm still recovering from it. But one of the stories from the ceremony happened towards the end of it, when the man who blessed me with rose water came up to me and asked me what I did, to which I replied with my work that I do. And when he asked me how I got into it, I told him that I didn't have good role models growing up, and I wanted to make sure that didn't happen to my descendants. That's when he mentioned that he saw the ancestral grief in me, and that he could feel how deep my parental wounds are, and how it's kept me separated from the power of my ancestors. I'd given up my whole lineage because of my father wounds, and how by doing that, I was still letting that story if victimhood run through my life. I've been parsing that out, and he's right. The Invisible Leash What most people don't understand about parent wounds is that it's not the original hurt that keeps you stuck, but that it's the energetic cord you're still feeding with your life force. Every time you make a decision through the filter of "What would they think?" or "How can I prove them wrong?"—you're outsourcing your sovereignty to people who may have done their best but weren't equipped to see your full truth. The Psychology of Parental Possession We stay tied to parental wounds because, at some unconscious level, we believe our pain is our connection to them. If I let go of this resentment, who am I? If I stop trying to prove myself worthy of love I never received, what's left? If I forgive them, does that mean what they did was okay? This is the trap: We think holding onto the wound keeps us safe, connected, or righteous. In reality, it keeps us small. The Energetic Reality In ceremony, I've seen grown men sob as they realize they're still feeding energy to parents through decades-old resentments. I've watched women discover they're unconsciously recreating their mother's unlived dreams instead of pursuing their own. I mean, I could see it playing it in my life. The energy you give to parental wounds is energy unavailable for your actual life. Beyond Forgiveness This isn't about forgiving abuse or toxic behavior. No, this is about reclaiming the parts of yourself you've been unconsciously offering at the altar of parental approval or rebellion. Real forgiveness—the kind that sets you free—isn't about them. It's about you choosing sovereignty over story, presence over past programming. The Practice Next time you notice yourself making a choice through the lens of parental conditioning, pause and ask: "Whose life am I living right now? Whose approval am I seeking? Whose judgment am I avoiding?" Then choose again. From your values. Your truth. Your sovereign self. The Invitation Your parents did their best with the consciousness they had. Now it's time for you to do better—not by rejecting them, but by no longer making them the unconscious directors of your adult life. The child in you may still want their approval. The sovereign adult you're becoming doesn't need it. This is the work. This is the way home to yourself. Since returning home, I've scheduled a couple of calls with my estranged dad. Not to make anything right for myself. But just to let go of the stories that I've been feeding myself Ish --- P.S. Ready to reclaim your sovereignty? I work with men and women who are tired of living unconsciously programmed lives_. If this resonates, take a look and see how I may be of support._ |
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